This is a Thanksgiving first for my family. There are only two of us at the table, a dog on the floor by the little fake fireplace plugged in under the mantle, and a turkey golden brown and waiting to be carved. We are happy. We have much to be thankful for, first and foremost, a knowledge of God as Savior.
I cannot help but think we’re both a little empty though. It’s not our stomachs for certain as any moment we will dig into turkey and potatoes, squash and stuffing, green beans and cranberry sauce, goat cheese and champagne, followed up by pie and ice cream, egg nog and pumpkin bread.
It certainly isn’t our hands that are empty for all around us I see abundance. It is above our heads in the form of a roof. It is on our bodies in the form of clothing. It is on our walls in the form of pictures, memories, and relationships. It is on our sidewalk in the form of cars. It is on our shelves in the form of books. It certainly isn’t our hands that feel empty, for God has filled them to overflowing.
Maybe it’s our hearts. Can I be honest with you? I do feel empty just a little bit. Empty because I know that God has given me the desire to adopt a baby- a precious little baby who I can cuddle, who I can nap with, who I can love, and who by His grace will be raised in the admonition of the Gospel. And part of me wants that desire to be fulfilled instantly even though I know it can’t be. I wish my baby could hear momma and papa praying together around the table today. I wish I could hold her and rock her to sleep as we listen to music or football. I wish that the joy of a child could be mine on this Thanksgiving. But God has asked me to wait. And that I must do.
But in the throws of this emptiness I ask myself, “How can I be empty when I think about my Savior?” How can I be empty when I see all over the fingerprints, no the complete embrace, of his love for me. When I consider this love I cannot help but be full- full of joy, full of patience, full of confidence, in the sovereign God who loves me as his child and loves my future child more than I will ever be able to. So although I can feel empty today, dwelling on the goodness of God quickly floods the cup of my soul so that I can be full– fully satisfied in Him. And so this Thanksgiving, though I’m empty I’m so so full.
